But even if you don't. {2 things I've learned from my unanswered prayers}

I hung up the phone and put my head in my hands, trying to hold in the sobs that were trying escape. I slid down to the floor and pulled my knees tightly to my chest as my mind raced with the news I just been told.
Change.
 Again it was happening. The change I had prayed never would happen, just for one more year.

Goodbyes.
 Goodbyes that would have to be said in the next few weeks that I had begged God not even 24 hours earlier “please don’t let me have to do this" because I just had a gut feeling it would happen and for the past three weeks it been the source of my anxiety.

The sobs escaped as I just sat there, unable to comprehend what all had happened. The prayers I prayed, begged and pleaded with God about, now stood facing me like giants, not that they were not answered, but that God had done the complete opposite.
Through the next several days I struggled through the whys. A lot of dreams and hopes I had for this next year shattered into a million pieces. I am sure most of us have all been this moment at least once in our lives. We have our dreams, our plans for our lives perfectly mapped out ahead of us full of opportunities and hope. But life isn’t perfect, things happen, plans change and dreams get shattered. And there we stand, holding our broken pieces in the circumstances we didn't expect, asking God if He could make it all good again. Because isn’t that who God is? Our Helper, Sustainer, and Life-giver? Doesn’t He promise to never leave us or forsake us? He is all of the above and indescribably more, but what do we do when God leaves the broken pieces, broken? How do we handle the pain that just won’t go away no matter how hard we ask of it to be taken away? This is something I have processed a lot recently in the past few weeks with different circumstances that have happened in my life. Because I know He can, I don’t doubt His power to redeem and to do miracles. But sometimes His answer to our prayers is no, and that is something you and I have to learn that that is perfectly okay. A dear friend of mine knew I was struggling with this and sent me the link to the song “Even If” by MercyMe, which led me to the passage of Daniel 3. Which is about three lifelong friends, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who go from the high positions of ruling in the land of Babylon one minute and the next are standing before the king and facing death. In an instance, their worlds fell apart, but their response to the king’s mockery to their God’s ability to save them is incredible and I hope to one day have the faith these guys did. In verse 13 it starts, "Furious with rage, Nebuchadnezzar summoned Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego. So these men were brought before the king, and Nebuchadnezzar said to them, 'Is it true, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, that you do not serve my gods or worship the image of gold I have set up? Now when you hear the sound of the horn, flute, zither, lyre, harp, pipe and all kinds of music, if you are ready to fall down and worship the image I made, very good. But if you do not worship it, you will be thrown immediately into a blazing furnace. Then what god will be able to rescue you from my hand?'  Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego replied to him, 'King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter. If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to deliver us from it, and he will deliver us from Your Majesty’s hand.  But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.'” (NIV)
Did you catch their response? They did not lack in their ability to trust in God's ability to save them and rescue them from their problems, but that wasn't it. They had complete confidence in that even if He didn't, He was still sovereign.
He is still God, the only one worth living our lives for. He is still good, even if you can not see it in the moment. Even if He doesn’t put our pieces together, take away the pain, or make sense of the brokenness, He is still in control. This is something I have had to learn over the past few weeks. That Jesus doesn’t always show up the way we thought He would. The story usually has twists that were unexpected, but He is still King and He is still sovereign. Learning to trust God is one of the hardest lessons to learn because it can only be learned through hard situations where the only thing left to do is surrender it to Him. This is something I still struggle with, but He is still continuing to teach me that He is good even when He doesn't show up like we thought He would. I would love to share with you two things I have learned over the past several weeks when I have had to say, "But even if you don't."  
   
He always has a plan. 

Even if we can not see it in the midst of the hurt, anxiety, and confusion, He is always one step ahead. “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. I love this picture of God and the way He has our best in mind in Isaiah 55:8-9, “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” He sees the overarching picture and knows what is best for us. I was talking to one of my youth pastors about this idea that God always has a plan even when it doesn’t make sense and I love what he told me, “Abby, sometimes it just doesn’t make sense why God is letting things happen like this. Yes, it's hard, sad, and not what we would have originally planned. But one day we will look back and see His faithfulness, that He had a plan throughout all this, that one day it will make sense and it was for everyone’s good.”

He always is with us.

A few verses down from verse 13, the three are thrown into the furnace. For a split second the odds for these friends surviving seem slim if not at zero, but then King Nebuchadnezzar witnesses not three but FOUR people standing in the fire. Who was the fourth? Many say the fourth was Jesus.
 Jesus.
I love this because it serves as a constant reminder to me that He walks among us, He gets us through the hardships when all seemed lost and we were at our weakest. Even on the hardest days when He seems farthest. He is there to cling to no matter what may come your way. Because He is with us we are able to say, “Whatever my lot, thou has taught me to say, it is well with my soul.” It is not always easy to say, sometimes you have to ask Him to make your soul at ease, but He does. He is always with us. Always for us, always carrying us through the trials.

For every time the pieces fall apart the prayers seem not answered, I am learning to say "But even if you don't. You are still God, trustworthy, and good. " And because of that unwavering truth, it is well with my soul.