Beauty from Ashes: my story {part 2}

My sister and I headed off to church camp late that July. It was my first time ever going to any kind of camp which was only God because I didn’t really even know anyone going and had only known the people I did know for about 3 to 4 months. It was not comfortable or easy for me, but I was so at peace being there that I knew I was here for a reason.

I think it was the second morning, I walked into the auditorium for the second session and all the sudden I heard Him whisper to me,

“I am going to create beauty from ashes.”

I heard it so clearly, that I looked around to see who said it, only to realize..no one was around. I wasn’t sure how to even respond to something like this. Ashes was a pretty good description of how I viewed my life, broken, messed up, and without hope. I wrestled all week with this little “message” I had received, not sure if I should tell anyone or if I should just keep it to myself. I chose to keep it on the down low, and wait and see what else God would do. Friday, the last day of the camp, they always have a reverent time outside where they do communion. It was then my youth pastor told the story of the crucifixion, and the light bulb went off. It all became so clear and I finally understood grace. There was nothing I could ever do to make myself enough for Him. I would always fail, but He knew that. He knew I would mess up and that I would push Him and church away and want nothing to do with it. But He chose to pursue me so hard, He would die to make a way for me to come back to Him again.

I came home from that week so overwhelmed by what all happened, and spent a week and a half just trying to process everything. But I still felt like there was still something missing. August 5th, 2015 was a Wednesday night. I was at our high school service, and every week my youth pastor gets on stage and shares with us a verse to lead us into worship. I don’t remember what exactly he said this night, just the fact that God very clearly spoke through what he shared and whispered to me, “Tonight you need to surrender.” As the music started playing, I knew that it was time to come home to my Father who had been chasing after me all these years. So sitting in the exact same seat as I did the very first night I came to try this youth ministry, I gave Him everything. I knew that I would never be perfect, but because of Jesus, I was now seen as righteous. There was nothing I had to prove and nothing I had to work for to get His love. He loved me so much that He sent His Son to die so that I could be restored back to Him, and nothing could ever change that.  It was if all the walls I had built to distance me from God shattered in that moment because there was the overwhelming feeling of His love crashing over me. August 5th, I came home and I became a daughter of the King.

The very next morning I woke up and knew that I wanted to get baptized to declare to the world that this girl was living for Jesus. After praying about it and talking with my parents, I signed up to get baptized at my student ministry on September 16th,  just 6 weeks after saying yes to Jesus. That night finally came, and at 7:25 I got to tell the world what all God had done in my life, and it was absolutely incredible. What made it even more memorable, is that I got to take this step of faith and obedience with one of best friends.

And so the journey started, of falling more in love with Jesus than the day before. Looking back on it now, I can not even begin to describe how far He has brought me in the last year and a half. He has given me strength to do the hard things and never once has He failed to show me that He is faithful. Through Him, He has taken away the fear of the church but also put people in my life who have come alongside me and have helped me heal. He took away my shyness and replaced it with His strength and confidence. I have been able to be apart of things I would have never dreamed of three-four years ago, like going on mission trips, leading a group of 6th-grade girls in the middle school ministry, and being a part of a leadership team that is led by my youth pastors. If you would have told me that I would be this involved in the Church three years ago, I probably would have laughed. But every time I walk through the doors of my church, it is declaring that God is faithful to redeem.

He provided a family of friends who want to chase after Jesus with everything in them and inspire me to do the same. Also, a community of girls my age who are dear friends and who are always there to pray for me, encourage me, and who are always there to speak truth into my life. Along with a community, He provided not one but two amazing youth pastors who have loved, encouraged, supported, and taught me so well since I have known them. Their hearts for doing anything they can to help students fall in love with Jesus is one of the reasons I am here today. I can’t even begin to express how much these people mean to me, not once have they ever stopped believing in me even when I didn’t believe in myself.

He has changed my heart from not wanting anything to do with Church, to now I am an intern in the student ministry that changed my life and my dream job would be getting to work in youth ministry with students. God has indeed been faithful to keep His promises when He said He would bring beauty out of ashes. When I look around I only see the power of HIs redemption, not anything I have done, just Him. It hasn’t always been easy, far from it actually. But He has never failed or given me any reason to doubt.

I am here because a group of people saw me as more than a first time visitor in a youth ministry on March 31st, but an opportunity to partner with Jesus to help bring life change, redemption, and restoration to a 15-year-old girl. Writing this, it still blows my mind to see how far He has brought me. I still can’t believe that this is my story, and I can not wait to see how He continues to write it.

“But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.” ! Peter 2:9